Willie Nelson Plays Dodgeball

I was in the midst of my 3 o'clock massage with Heather when my phone vibrated. Heather grabbed the phone for me and relayed the message. It was from Erika and it said, "Call me when you get out of massage. btw... do you like Willw Nelson" Heather handed me the phone and I replied, " Yes. & just finished. Call u in a few min." What an odd question. Heather and I wondered what the hell Erika was up to.

When I rang Erika, she explained how she herself had received a text from a friend she hadn't seen in about two years. His text asked if she'd like to see Willie Nelson in concert. She texted back a "yes" reply and he responded with instructions to go to will call and tell them she's with the dodge ball people. Her friend she told me, is a professional dodge ball player. I'll say it again, he's a... professional... dodge ball... player! We arrived at Club Nokia and did as we were instructed. "Uh, we're on the dodge ball list", Erika said straight-faced to the girl behind the counter. Erika signed her name to the list, then the girl promptly handed Erika two tickets. "That was way too easy", I thought to myself.

We entered just in time to catch the opening act, Asleep at the Wheel take the stage. I felt like we just walked in on Bob Wills at the Grand Ole Opry in his hay day. We scanned the scene for potential Dodge-ballers. Except for Dean, who we had met in line and immediately (Erika) called out as a dodge-baller, Erika said she didn't see anyone she recognized. Apparently Dean had received the same surreptitious text and was just as in the dark as we were. I was immediately suspicious of him. I thought for a moment, "could there be something more to all this", and "who the fuck are these dodge-ballers?" Maybe we didn't dress properly and were considered pariahs amongst their clan. I saw guys dressed like droogs from a Clockwork Orange. I saw guys with porn-staches and Corinthian Leather jackets drinking single malt. I'm sure those guys were in on it. I saw retro-hip- juke-joint-sick boys and girls with cowboy hats. Maybe everyone at the show was an incognito dodge-baller. Oh my god, Willie fucking Nelson plays dodge-ball. He's one of them. His son, Lucas too. At one point when Willie was playing with Asleep at the Wheel, each member showed their chops on their respective instruments. During the pianists' solo, he threw in a couple bars from Rhapsody in Blue. Was that an under the radar nod from the band. Erika and I both work for United. Hmmm. Maybe this was some sort of initiation.

At the end of an amazing show, we made our way back up to the VIP lounge. Uh, yeah, we got VIP wristbands because we were with the dodge-ballers. I know you think that the VIP wristband thing blasts a huge hole in my "everyone is a dodge-baller" theory, but think again. When we were on the elevator, we packed in and all showed our wrist bands to the attendant. There were however two girls who didn't have wristbands, hell they didn't need them. The attendant asked where their wrist bands were and the the brunette said, "They're upstairs. We're going to meet our friends and they have them." Yeah, right. The attendant sent them on their way as if they weren't the droids he was looking for... They had to be dodge-ballers to pull that one off with such skills. Then, we were supposed to meet Erika's friend, the guy who was responsible for all of this. He was supposedly just downstairs taking care of his tab. We know this because Erika saw his "brother", and he said so. Well, do you think he actually materialized? Robin Masters? Charlie? "This is weird", I thought to myself. Oh, and I forgot to mention that when we were going into the show we saw Johnny Knoxville. Based on the definition of dodge ball (from the Urban Dictionary) I guarantee on all that's holy that Johnny Knoxville is a dodge-baller...

Dodge ball:

A great game that quickly separates the strong from the weak, the boys from the girls, and the normal from the pussies.

The sole reason for showing up to elementary school gym class.
C'mon, kids! Let's get in some dodge ball before the liberal commie fags at the school board make us stop and hug each other for gym class.

Anyway, after last night I get the feeling that dodge ball is about to soon take over the world! I may not get to play against Willie and friends, but I'm gonna check it out, soon. That is if we our initiation was successful. I'm hoping to get a text any day now.